Pack lunches. Is that the right snack? Did I remember the note on the napkin? Is there too much sugar in there?

8am Company wide presentation. Are my slides done? Does the content make sense? Do I have the bullets points I want to cover down? Is that joke lame?

Games this week. Are As pants clean? Where are Cs black shorts? No not those shorts, the other ones. Did I get a new water bottle?

Pipeline review. Wheres that PO that was supposed to be here last week? Did we get the legal redlines back? Did the team update their next steps?

Dinner. Of course no one wants chicken and that’s the only thing defrosted. Where are the green beans? Why can’t I meal plan better?

This living list rattles around in my brain and is a constantly evolving 24/7/365 thing. Always something to be done, something I’m forgetting, something I’m missing out on, something I was supposed to do. I used to get anxiety over the stress of it all. Handling stress and anxiety is not a natural thing for most people. For me- I manifest my stress in a physical way. I went through a period where we were planning a wedding, I was traveling 3-4 times a month and I was covered in hives that no one could identify the cause of. You guessed it… stress.

I have tried all the tricks to managing my stress over the years- anxiety meds, meditation, charging my chakra, lavender candles and diffusers, Miller Lites and Marlboros… Spoiler alert – none of those worked. Sure maybe it helped in the moment but it didn’t have a long term benefit.

Fast forward a couple years from the hives and I’m a working mom of 2 under 2 balancing work, keeping two kids alive, trying to not get divorced (because let’s face it more divorces happen to couples with kids under 5) living on 4 hours of sleep a day and in desperate need of a cut and color from the salon. I’m tired, stressed out, trying to do too much and one bad day from dropping all the balls.

Enter in a coworker with some of the best advice I’ve ever received.

“Beth you think of your to do list as though you are juggling all these different balls in the air. You are just focused on keeping everything moving and not dropping one. What happens though when one drops? What is that impact?”

Uh it’s obvious… it means I failed. I mean hellloooo? Have we met??

“What if what you a juggling is made of rubber? What then happens if you drop one? It bounces right? What if it’s porcelain? The things you are juggling, well they are not all created equal. Some things are big bouncy balls easy to catch and hang onto if you drop them, some are egg sized plastic that will just land with a thud but not break, some are delicate crystal that will shatter on impact. Know what you are juggling, the impact of dropping them and prioritize from there”

A casual conversation that was had while the coffee was percolating that I’m sure this person doesn’t even recall having. It’s something I think about daily.

Everything on that living list in my head is automatically assigned a size and delicacy rating. It’s how I prioritize and balance what needs to be done and when.

6 month dental check ups – tennis ball

6 figure deal planning and execution – egg

Family dinner conversations – Large Faberge egg

Update those deal level notes- pickle ball

School supply list that specifically requests a green folder with 2.5 prongs and a star on the left corner – medium beach ball

Well balanced homemade dinner on the table every night – playground ball

This change in my thought process has been life changing for me.

I still get stressed out. I will wake up at 3am and agonize over saying the wrong thing, worry I forgot to do something but I can’t remember what it was, be convinced that the scene on aisle 3 of the grocery store today will be dedicated to an entire therapy session C is older.

I will attribute the wrong size and weight to a task or thing. Make it bigger in my head than it should be. Place a delicacy to it that it doesn’t warrant.

My stress still manifests physically. When my thumb or foot starts hurting I know it must be end of quarter. When I’m bone tired by noon I know I need to just suck it up and do whatever task I’ve been putting off that needs doing. When my neck is so tight I can’t turn my head I know I am carrying too much weight on my shoulders and not prioritizing. Sometimes this happens and I immediately know it. Other times… well I am blonde…

Juggling is important but so is perspective. It’s hard to find that perspective when you are knee deep in it.

When someone tells you “momma I know it’s hard when they aren’t sleeping but it gets better” and you want to throat punch them.

When someone tells you “sales just takes time and persistence. One more dial” and you visualize throwing your phone at them.

When someone says “change is hard – you grow the most when you are uncomfortable” the middle finger seems like an appropriate response.

When you are in the middle of it, it’s ok to take a pause. Hide in the bathroom from your kids with a container of Cherry Garcia, cancel your three back to back meetings this afternoon, take a walk around the block, plan a vacation get away.

Pause. Breathe. Resize it. You got this!